One month

When we came back from the hospital (we were there a whole week) I was overwhelmed. It was really tough for me. I cried a lot and couldn't understand what was going on. How could I be so upset and depressed if I had been expecting this little child almost ten years? How?

My husband tried to do all things he could so that I would only breastfeed the baby and sleep between feedings. One day I even took a walk alone. I cried again and listened to the music. It helped me somehow... I was feeling better with every step. Tears dried and I came back home calm. After that day we started walking with the baby daily. Even bad weather can't keen us away from walking. I'm listening to music the baby is sleeping. Or I call my parents and we talk during the whole walk. It's the best part of the day! Even after a sleepless night.

Only a few days ago I realised that my life will never be the same as before. I had been expecting when it would become easier. I read one post about the first month after delivery in another woman's blog every day. She had the same feeling as I did. And she wrote that she felt some relief by the end of the first month. I believed her with my whole heart and was waiting for that day... It helped me a lot during the last few weeks. But now I don't expect a huge relief anymore. I don't cry anymore. Maybe only of tender emotions when I'm looking at this little one, at his small fingers, at his smile. He is such a charming little boy :) And he has my nose :) And big beautiful blue eyes. And every day I'm waiting when he falls asleep and wakes up equally strongly :)

He is smiling a lot, tries to say different sounds. It is very funny! My little little little boy turned one month! Yes, it's getting easier somehow. Maybe we simply get used to our new life and it feels as if it has always been like that. Thanks God :)

How naive was I before! I thought that when a baby arrived you simply needed to develop a daily regime and plan your routines. And time management should be most important. But how can you plan a sleepless crying baby? If he is not sleeping you cannot either... 

I felt miserable because I couldn't knit, cook, read books. I even couldn't take a shower or go to the toilet when he wasn't asleep... Now I understand a bit more and can somehow cope with things again :)

Best wishes, 

Katia